So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
