i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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