Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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