She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
