i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
