There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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