Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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