WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
