Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
