A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
