You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
