you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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