dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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