If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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