just tell him i said nine months
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize