you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
