The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
