Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
