you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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