he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
