I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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