Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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