So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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