I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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