i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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