so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Soap is not a condiment
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
