Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
