Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
