we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
