I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
