took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
