He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
