Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wear drunk well.
try to milk me bitch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
