ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
