I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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