College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
