3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
