new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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