Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
