Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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