In America we eat man semen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
