I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
