if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
People in love make me want to vomit
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i drank out of a bidet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize