have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
