If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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