I'm lost and stupid without you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
