just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I could fuck to npr.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
