It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
