talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
