I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
