Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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