Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
