I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize