I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
