If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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