You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
