Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
