Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
