i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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