honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So much rum. So many feels.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
