how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
