ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
