I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
