It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
