I'm jealous of your bromance
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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