I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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