They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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