I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
