Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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