yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
